Shoulders of Greatness

February 10, 2018

On Gaining Confidence and Achieving Greatness

Today’s post is a special one and I hope it’s one that will inspire, motivate, and encourage you the same way it did for me when I was writing it! For the past 6+ years, I’ve been sharing my life with you through Oh Anthonio. I’ve shared my travels, relationships, successes (and failures), and of course my many outfits and ever-changing personal style! But perhaps one important aspect of my life that’s been missing from this dialogue was my struggle with confidence and stereotypes. Today, I’m proud to partner with Head & Shoulders, who’ve inspired me with their Shoulders of Greatness campaign, to share with you the story of how I gained confidence to achieve greatness!

It hasn’t always been easy for me to feel comfortable being myself. As a gay man, I thought coming out was the end of my struggle with self-acceptance and confidence. As it turns out, assumptions and stereotypes continued to hold me back as I began my professional life after college. Similar to US Olympic skier Gus Kenworthy who had to deal with coming out in a hypermasculine sports environment, I also feared that being myself at work may affect my professional growth. He faced a lot of pressure to live up to a certain image for his fans, fellow teammates, and sponsors which is something I remember feeling in my own work life. Seeing his success and openness on this topic as part of the Head & Shoulders’ Shoulders of Greatness campaign is a big part of why I’m able to feel comfortable sharing my story with you today.

I started working as a structural engineer and from the beginning it was pretty apparent that I wasn’t like the other guys in the office. I was the youngest team member by about 10 years and the only gay man among an all straight-male work place. The general office banter was very hypermasculine so right away that set the tone for who I was expected to be and conform to. Rather than deal with a second coming out to my coworkers at a brand new job, I chose to remain distant. I feared that not being “one of the guys” might hold me back professionally so I shut myself off from everyone to avoid having to be honest with them. The problem was that at the time I didn’t have enough confidence to be myself. I was too worried about what my coworkers would say or think about me. We talked about work, but never anything personal.

Around my third year at the same job, I started my blog, Oh Anthonio, as a hobby. Although it took a lot of time, it was something I really enjoyed and it very quickly became my escape from work. It was a place I could freely express and be myself, and highlight my creative passions for photography and fashion. My blog became a way to showcase the person I was deep down inside, apart from the expectations set in place at my work.

For a long time I kept this side project of mine a secret from my coworkers as well. In an environment where you’re expected to be tough on construction sites and command authority in design meetings, sharing my interest in fashion and blogging seemed frivolous and out of place. I remember days at work where I would go from construction sites to fashion shows. I’d always have an extra bag of clothes with me and secretly change in the office supply room. It all seems so silly now but back then I was terrified. I was constantly worried about my coworkers finding out. It was hard enough balancing an engineering job with blogging to begin with, but keeping my blog a secret added an extra challenge. I was basically leading a double life and it was exhausting.

But then something changed. As I continued to work on my blog, I started to develop a close sense of community with my readers. There were people out there that were supportive of what I shared on Oh Anthonio. They were welcoming of who I was and inspired by my journey and my personal style. It was encouraging to say the least to see that I could be myself and be accepted at the same time. Blogging also helped me conquer my shyness by encouraging me to meet other people in the industry. I began meeting other bloggers who are now some of my best friends and they encouraged me and inspired me along the way. Pretty soon all the support and validation I had from my friends and my audience gave me enough confidence to stop being ashamed of who I really was. I was ready to stop hiding myself from my coworkers.

The first time I shared my blog with my coworkers was the first time I let them get to fully know me. There were no secrets anymore and I was finally able to be myself at the office. Without the pressure or shame of hiding parts of who I was, I released a huge weight off my shoulders that allowed me to be at a better place mentally. Creativity flowed freely. Ambition was high. And self-esteem replaced doubt and inaction. As I continued to blog openly and with confidence, I was able to do so much more than I thought possible. I partnered with some of my dream brands, traveled more places than I can remember, and met some of the most inspiring and creative people in the fashion industry. In a few years my once-hobby became a full-time small business! It’s crazy to think about how far I’ve come in terms of personal growth and acceptance since starting my blog. I never thought I’d be as confident in who I am as I am today and for that I’m extremely grateful!

If there’s one take away from today’s post, it’s that with confidence we can achieve all the success we want. I’m lucky to have found my confidence in blogging and hope that you guys will find your confidence in doing something you love, too!

Before I end this post, I want to say a special thank you to YOU, my readers, for allowing me to share something a bit more personal today. You’ve always been a huge part in my success and your support and validation have helped me tremendously in being confident in myself! It’s always been my pleasure getting to know you guys as well, so if this has inspired you even a little bit, then I’d love to hear some of your stories in the comments below!